AMES, Iowa – In the wake of the nation’s second-worst school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Conn., mental health professionals at Iowa State University have some guidance on how to discuss the tragedy with young children who may be troubled by the information they see and hear as events unfold.
Terry Mason, a licensed psychologist and director of ISU’s Student Counseling Services, recommends parents follow a four-step process when talking about the school shooting with their kids:
Listen
“See how your kids are doing. Listen first. Let them ask the questions,” Mason said. “Don’t force the conversation, but observe any changes in behavior, sleep or appetite.” Exposure to news coverage and details about the violence should be limited, depending on the child’s age. Additionally, Mason said, “If the child is in an unstable environment – a divorce in the family, a history of trauma, etc. – you don’t want to take the chance of retraumatizing them by dwelling on these events.”
Protect
“Reassure kids that they are safe. Give them a sense that things are normal and have not changed for you here,” Mason said. If a child asks, “Why would somebody do this?,” Mason advises a direct, age-appropriate reply, such as, “This person was very sick.”
“Children have a grasp of what this means,” Mason said.
Connect
Mason advises keeping to normal routines – whether that is observing the weekly family pizza night or going to school and work as usual. “If a child doesn’t want to go to school, determine what the fear is,” he said. “Perhaps go to school with your child, or have a conversation with the teacher so he or she is aware of the situation.”
Model
Parents are a primary source of security for children, Mason said, and the signals they send play a major role in creating a calm, stable environment. “Acknowledge that a terrible thing happened, but also let your child know that his or her world is safe and secure. Parents, teachers and your school are all here for you,” Mason said. Adult conversations about the senseless tragedy also can influence kids, so Mason recommends parents be careful about what they say and how they communicate around their children. “Kids are listening and internalizing what they hear, and that can produce a lot of fear,” he said.
If parents observe any prolonged uneasiness or fear in a child, it may be necessary to seek additional help from a counselor, Mason noted.